Adrien Broner Triggered Me Into DEEPER Self Awareness!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xALb1sib1ds

I was triggered by boxer Adrien Broner and Deen the Great - while watching this Youtube game show, @Ryanwitdasauce. The video is something like a crazy, big booty trainwreck, and I couldn't look away from the screen.

Entertaining?? ... sort of ... ok fine. I did feel alot of cringe and shame as Broner and his friend drunkenly negotiated sexual favors on camera with 20 strange women. The duo came dressed in matching outfits, sauced up on some dranks ... they laughed and screamed and jumped and tried to get head from every woman that showed up.

"Didn't I already impregnate you?" - Broner asked one women, minutes before promising Deen that they were both sharing dicks for the night ... "Your dick is my dick, and my dick is your dick!"

Hmm? <confused face>

As I sat with all the cringey feelings ... I realized that my experience in the moment reflects my own self image, personal boundaries and taught judgements.

I was experiencing CONTRAST.

Adrien Broner's impulsive, drunken, hyper-sexed behavior gave me a chance to notice myself. After years of experience in professional politics and journalism - my definitions and beliefs have built a personal construct of the world. My world construct seems to value "appropriateness" - reputational seriousness, accuracy in language, calm demeanor, stoic performance. My personal construct is so deeply normalized that I feel and know it as true without conscious thought.

Broner reminds me that the human expression is actually quite vast. That "bad" or "shameless" behavior are subjective, and that those behaviors are often accepted or even rewarded. Consider CNN's Scott Jennings, for example - another cringey and shameless celebrity figure.

While I spent decades striving for "better", being logically consistent, presenting myself as upright, relatable, respectable - It's clear that I have much more room to play - to be weird, irreverent, even confusing, and even wrong at times.

I retain many of these values, they are a part of me, without effort. I don't need to strive, or perform anything outside of my natural rhythm and desire. Authenticity includes the shedding of constructs (even perceived good ones), personal beliefs to embody a freer, natural, more genuine self expression.

-Billy